so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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