Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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