So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
