I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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