I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
