ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
