Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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