Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
