McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
