My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
