so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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