And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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