Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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