Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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