Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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