My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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