So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
