Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
