I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
