I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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