sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
