great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize