the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
