he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
