What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
organizing the empties. That sober.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
