he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
