woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
