hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
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I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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