Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
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To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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