God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
