he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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