It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
