so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
