JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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