matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
