I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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