If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
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Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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