He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
