did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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