I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
