Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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