its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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