I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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