FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
