So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
