For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
