Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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