a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
