This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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