So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
