We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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