Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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