Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
