Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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