Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
please come you make the beer taste better
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
