They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
