I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
