He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
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Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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