Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
