my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
