So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
