Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize