imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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