I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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