I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
