Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
