The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
