she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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