After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
