Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
