i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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