last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
