Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
