I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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